The Pandemic & Family FOMO
Having a history of emotional eating, during the pandemic I made a conscious effort to stay on top of my eating habits, and not turn to food in times of loneliness or boredom (two major culprits when it comes to overeating for me).
I always need to check in with myself when it comes to food: Am I emotionally hungry (sudden onset of hunger even if I ate just an hour ago, always wanting more), or am I physically hungry (in need of nutrients and elevated blood sugar)? But these check-ins were especially important during quarantine.
Checking in was mostly successful, but not 100%. I still struggle with emotionally-driven thoughts and pulls that lead me to food as a coping mechanism or distraction.
There's nothing I dread more than noticing when I only have a few bites left of my food. Seeing the almost-empty plate means that very soon, everything I had to look forward to will be behind me. The empty plate shines a light on emotional emptinesses. Many people can relate - filling our plate distracts us from other voids in life. This is where the emotional work comes in. For me, that void can be family, particularly during a pandemic when social isolation sank in deep.
Being alone the majority of the time forced me to look around at everyone else who was sheltering in place with their family. Would my life be better if I had kids? Does it only seem appealing because I’m more alone now? Do I need to go to a sperm bank to alleviate this empty feeling? Perhaps. Perhaps not. TBD. But I have enough common sense to know that real happiness won’t be found in a bowl of Cheerios or that last square of dark chocolate.
Nope, food is not the answer, and perhaps having a family is not either. It certainly seems appealing in the midst of such an uncertain, isolating time. Combine that with the deep social conditioning women receive about family and motherhood, and it seems impossible not to feel the pregnancy FOMO.
It’s a lot to ponder, and there are no right answers. The most important thing for me that I can control, is being aware of what I truly need and want, and not confusing it with food. I sometimes feel a sense of dread as my plate becomes more and more empty. It sounds something like, “Oh no, once this last bite is gone, I’ll have nothing to look forward to.” Likewise, when I go to bed, I sometimes look forward to one thing the next day: food. But I am aware that my attachment to food is not only filling a void, but also, it does not have to translate into action. My thoughts about food are not something I allow to overtake me (I still keep my portion sizes normal, my meals evenly spaced, and do not regularly eat unhealthy foods in excess).
All I can do is pay attention, and continue to be aware, so that every day, slowly, slowly, I can become clearer on my true needs, and how to satisfy them in a healthy and sustainable way. And that’s really the best anyone can do.