How To Break The Negative Thought Cycle
“Oh no, your stomach is acting up again. Of course it is. What else would you expect? This is who you are, and you will never get better.”
That was my negative narrative. I would tell myself this over and over again, each time my stomach felt upset.
Sometimes when I felt sick in the morning, my thoughts would sound like this: You will never amount to anything, because if you are stuck on the toilet all morning, you’ll be late to work, and your boss will never take you seriously, therefore you’ll never get promoted or be successful.
Wow… look where my thoughts took me. A little diarrhea and suddenly I’m a failure at life?
But the most prominent and detrimental story I would tell myself was this: I can’t handle this.
Nice, right? Not very compassionate or empowering.
During one of my research rabbit hole searches, I stumbled onto Pema Chodron’s lecture, The Freedom to Choose Something Different. Game changer.
For me, being stuck in a negative brain pattern was a way of life, one in which I was not aware of when, why, or how often I was telling myself negative things. So, initially, it was almost impossible to even realize I was doing it. But sure enough, it kicked in on auto-pilot whenever I was worried, upset, or unsure of myself.
My brain had been programmed over time to associate A (uncomfortable sensation in stomach) with B (worry, panic, shame, blame, negative outlook). The worst part was, I didn’t even realize how much physically worse I was making myself feel by continuing to dwell in these thoughts. I didn’t understand how my punitive attitude contributed to my physical pain. I actually thought I was doing the right thing by reprimanding myself (“You’re so stupid for eating that cookie!”).
After watching Pema Chodron’s lecture, I realized I would never feel better until I made an intentional shift in my attitude first. There are extremely simply ways in which we can attribute new and different meanings to A and/or B, to create a different outcome.
Pain can be exacerbated or even caused simply by focusing on it. Similarly, negative thoughts can quite literally create negative effects on and in the body. We may all know this by now, but the real question is, how do we do something about it? How do we get ourselves unstuck from negativity?
Look no further. She breaks down The Freedom to Choose Something Different into three steps:
Notice
Stop
Make it a Lifelong Practice
The first step was the hardest for me. I had to notice when I was having negative thoughts. They were an ingrained part of my daily functioning, occurring with relatively no awareness, like blinking. So, I had to start paying close attention.
I also had to define what a negative thought was for me. I was on the lookout for “really bad” thoughts, but it took time to understand that not all negative thoughts have to be over-critical. It could be as simple as, ugh, not again! That, in itself, sends out very negative signals. Think about how a simple shift to, oh, my stomach hurts, okay, no biggie, can make a huge difference.
The second step is stopping. Sounds simple enough, but have you ever actually tried to stop a negative thought while it was happening? It’s hard! It’s arm wrestling your own muscle memory, and believe me, your muscle memory has had way more practice.
It will definitely feel unnatural at first. It’s like trying to slam on the brakes when you’re going 90 mph. We all have what we think are valid reasons for not wanting to let negativity go. I convinced myself that if I didn’t obsess over and finish all my negative thoughts, that I would somehow forget them (as if I would need to refer to them later). But the point is to forget them! Drop them, mid-sentence! Pema’s advice is, the second you hear yourself say, “Yes, but…” just stop! No ifs, ands or yes, buts!
I found it super helpful, when I noticed I was having a negative thought, to distract myself with literally anything else I could. No positive thought was too trivial or corny—whatever it took to get me to stop thinking negatively and break the cycle (Oh, look! A tree!)
I want to acknowledge that this was not easy for me. When I was in the middle of stomach discomfort, I’d immediately become worried about how long it would continue, panicked that I was on the train and still had 45 minutes until my destination. Forcing myself to think positively, or appreciate the good weather in those moments felt like such a sham. I could actually hear myself say, “Oh who gives a fuck about the good weather! I’m having stomach pain… yet again!”
It takes practice. Over time, I have become much better at intervening quicker when negativity bubbles up. I also see how fast my stomach pain dissipates now and how less frequent I have discomfort to begin with. It’s truly wonderful when you take the negative thoughts out of a physical pain experience—I never realized how much of an influence the thoughts had on the physical sensations.
As for the final step of making it a lifelong practice, no explanation needed. The most sustainable effects will be felt by doing this regularly, even after you are healed. This is not an “as needed” mechanism. Keep coming back to this, over and over and over.
I would like to add my own step: Be patient! Like any other muscle, I had to train my mind over and over again before I started seeing results, and before thinking positively became its own muscle memory. Undoing old habits and creating new ones won’t happen overnight. Try to stay in the moment, do the work, and trust that overtime you'll realize you've overcome a lot of negativity.
PRO TIP: The next time you catch yourself obsessing about something you dislike about yourself, pause, notice the negative thought, then focus on something you love about yourself with that same level of obsession.